If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
