I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
