Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Someone shattered a urinal.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
