This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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