You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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