i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
