I'm gonna have a badass scar
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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