you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
