So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
