Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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