we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
