At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
