She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
