He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
