I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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