first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
