Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
