i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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