I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
