How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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