You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
