Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
