My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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