Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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