The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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