I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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