do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
