Ambien. No doubt about it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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