omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
