I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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