Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
