Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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