Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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