if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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