So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize