fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
