I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
