I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
