I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
