He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
