Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this will be a night to untag.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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