I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
