i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
