I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize