If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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