I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
wow bdsm is so cute
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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