tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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