you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
