Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
