Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
