so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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