how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize