dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
