Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
