I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize