I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
