I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
