My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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