A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish I only lived at night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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