I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
