My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
