we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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