Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
