my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
