sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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