at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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